A Perfectionist Mindset within a Completely Imperfect Existance

While watching a marriage series recently, I discovered something about myself that I hadn't known before. I have a perfect personality. 

No, I do not mean that I think I am perfect. What I mean by that is I expect perfection. I over-analyze absolutely everything I do, say and don't do. I go back and forth wondering "Should I have done it that way or at all? What if I'm wrong?". I compare myself, my life and my marriage to other people. I am so consumed by perfection and getting things right the first time that it often paralyzes me with fear. I am literally to the point that I don't even try a lot of the time. I am easily discouraged when I get something wrong and even when I do something right or things seem to be getting better, I find a way to pick apart the good and turn it into bad. I want to attain perfection in all areas of my life and since perfection is unattainable through anything or anyone, but Jesus Christ, I wind up being a disfunctional, puddle of tears a lot of the time. What's funny is I am a very optimistic, uplifting and encouraging person with most everything and everyone - apart from myself.

Over the years I've realized a few things about myself that I believe are both just my personality and a result of the things that have happened in my life. When a confident person makes a decision that happens to be the wrong one, they get over it quickly and try again. Sure, it might sting or hurt their pride at first, but such is life. No one is right 100% of the time and that is okay. For "perfect" people like myself, a poor decision is a confirmation that yet again, we didn't quite hit the mark and we're just shy of enough. It's confirmation that how we feel about ourselves on the inside is in fact the way everyone else sees us too. I often think to myself "Why bother trying?". When I got married June of this year I knew it was going to be hard. Based on our relationship alone and all that we'd gone through over the past 2 years, I was not naive when I got married. I knew without a doubt that it would be no fairy tale. However, despite that knowledge I expected things to go a certain way. I expected that we'd get our acts together real fast if this marriage thing was going to work. I was quick to turn a blind eye to all the mistakes I was making because I already thought about my failures too much; now I could focus on his.

Yikes. It has not been easy trying to come to terms with that. God has really been convicting me about it! Not just in my marriage, but in all areas of my life. I got to thinking, how can I overcome this? How can I do better? Is there hope for the "perfect" ideal that consumes me?

The answer is YES.
There absolutely is hope, but it will take hard work. I am just starting out so I am no expert in this department whatsoever. With that said, I truly believe the Lord wants to use us exactly as we are and grow us, change us, stretch us and use the positive aspects of our personality for His glory and to encourage others.

One of the first steps I have taken is to write down what my talents are- what I excel in.
Sure, my immediate response to that even as I type this is "Please, there are thousands of people who are far better at these things than you are. Do you honestly think you excel at any of them?"
SHUT DOWN THAT TRAIN OF THOUGHT. Of course there are tons of people out there who are more experienced and talented at the same things you enjoy doing. We live in a world of 7 billion people. That is a given. However, everyone has something they enjoy and excel in. Everyone has talents they possess that should be sewn into and invested in. It helped me to see those things written down. Lately I've been so focused on being a Mom that I had forgotten about the activities and hobbies I used to love. Once you write down your talents you can start to pray over them and make a point to invest some of your heart and time back into those things for fun! Take the pressure off. Sing in the shower because you love it. Go for a run because it frees you from the stress of life. Don't allow the enemy to tell you that because you might not be known for these things (yet) that the Lord won't use those talents to bring glory and magnify His kingdom.

The fact of the matter is, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. God took the time to breathe the breath of life into you, to carefully create you with a purpose. We can overcome this idea of perfection and do great things! Something I'm looking forward to as a personal victory is the day I will try something, fail and not be broken over it for months. I know that might sound completely ridiculous to a lot of people, but that failure will bring forth a great success for me.


I'd like to finish off with a prayer that I hope will encourage you as you say it (or come up with your own as it applies to you):

Lord, thank you for your mercy and unending love. Thank you that you know all things and that you make no mistakes. You've counted each hair on my head and you have created me with a great purpose. I ask that each day you will help me invest in my talents for your glory above all and that you will help motivate me to take risks. I pray that you will calm my perfectionist spirit and help me use it positively as I move forward on my walk with you. I know that without you, I can do nothing; but with you as my strength I can do anything.  Forgive me for the times that I have failed you and help me to recognize my failures will lead to success if I keep my eye on You. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Embracing the Beauty of Letting Go

Are there things and experiences that you're trying so hard to hold on to when you really need to just let them go? Are you gripping something so tight that your arms are hurting, your strength is wavering and your hands are starting to turn this deep red/purple colour?

Hi, my name is Jennilee. I feel the need to reintroduce myself on my own blog that I've had for nearly a year because quite honestly, I am not the same person. My heart has changed, my mind has changed, chains have been broken that my spirit has dragged around for far too long. I feel lighter! Which is ironic because I started this blog to hold myself accountable for my weight loss journey, yet I have gained every pound back (plus or minus a few depending on the week). But that's okay, because I have lost weight in a whole new way. Weight I've been dragging around for so many years and very few people knew about it.

I let go and I let GOD.

I've come to realize that this blog is about so much more for me now... It's about sharing my experiences, building people up, discovering my God given talents and ultimately sharing what He has done in me. In such a real and true way, I am so different now. I look in the mirror and I wake up every day with the same self-image struggles, the same food addiction, the same fears- only now, I am free from having to bare the burden of them. My past, I've realized, no longer has to define me and no longer has to be my excuse to get myself out of working hard towards my goals. Am I hitting a bruise right there? I can't be the only one...

The majority of my life has been hard.

I have lived through abuse in so many different forms - emotional, mental, physical and sexual. Some tough pills to swallow. I've allowed myself to drown in that for so long and I always assumed that when God brought me out of these storms in my life and gave me a better one- everything would automatically be easy and happy. Nope. It wasn't until God gave me a new life that I was able to fully see how damaged I actually was. In every area. I was paralyzed with fear. Some days I still am. Something I am finally coming to terms with is that I have used all of the things that I've gone through as an excuse and justification for my lack of action, for my lack of pursuit, and for my flat out laziness. I was holding on to my past so tight because it's the only armour I had against my rejection of opportunities that came my way.I was fighting against myself. Now I am fighting for something. Now, I'm putting on the armour of God.

If I have your attention, good. I'm starting over for the 100th time, only this time I'm allowing God to do what he needs to do.

I am embracing the beauty of letting go.

Back in the Game

Hi everyone!
Oh jeez, I've been so MIA. I have a good excuse, though. I promise haha.
I had a gallbladder attack, spent a week in the hospital, came home to recover and then I moved. So things have been utterly crazy! I'm scheduled to have my gallbladder removed at the end of this month. Let me tell you, gallstones are NO JOKE. Most painful thing I have EVER experienced. That's including labor, guys lol.  I'm just so grateful to God that I am okay and it wasn't something more serious.

Anyway, since things have been crazy, I've been off my game. So off.
Since January 2nd I have lost a total of 29 pounds. I'm happy with my progress so far, kinda. I was hopeful that I'd be down 40 by now, but I'm learning to appreciate the process and slow and steady wins the race, right? I'll be 23 on the 14th and I've decided to make this year of my life something great and creative. I'm a Mom, I'm on my way to becoming fit and healthier than ever and I am rediscovering some passions of mine. I have learned so much in my 22nd year alone! It's crazy. I feel like an entirely different person.

Life has been difficult lately for many personal reasons, but I also feel more hope than I ever have for the future. I guess that's what happens when you refocus your life and try to put God at the center of it. I KNOW I'm going to lose this weight. I KNOW I'm going to do great things. I KNOW I'm going to be the best Mom I can be because finally, I am ready to put the work in it.

My encouragement for today is please don't give up on your health when life gets in the way. It is okay to have off days/weeks. This is a life-long commitment and you will get there if you get back up and keep going after you stumble. Don't look for a quick fix, there's no such thing. At least not a lasting one. I'm keeping this short and sweet for today, but I'm still here. Still passionate. Still writing. Still steadily seeking my best self and I want to help anyone else who desires the same thing too.

God bless.
I hope you all have wonderful weekend and continue falling for fitness. It's amazing what it can do. Body, mind and soul.

Update/ Overcoming Plateaus

Hey everyone! I'm sorry I've been MIA for a while, it's been a busy few weeks.
This post will be updating you on my progress, or rather, my plateau. Yes, I hit one. I haven't lost, nor gained any weight in the past few weeks. I really wanted to avoid this for as long as possible, but that's just not how things worked out.
I attribute it to being in Kitchener for a week and not being as strict on myself as I was in terms of both eating habits and working out. I just spent my time enjoying visiting my family and friends.

With that said, I was discouraged, but I have not given up! Not even close. I'm actually more motivated now than ever. This week I've gotten back on track and took my weekly workouts to a whole new level! I ache all over and it's awesome. I have another incentive to get a certain amount of weight off by a certain date. I don't want to announce what that is just yet, but exciting times ahead folks!

Overcoming plateaus can be very difficult. Personally, that's when I used to give up. It's very discouraging especially when you know you're working hard. They're normal, though, and they are going to happen no matter what. The important thing to remember is why you started and that you don't want to go back to the way you were. Simple changes can and will move you past those plateaus. Whether it's cutting something out of your diet, or taking your workouts up a notch, you can and you will move past it if you keep on the journey!

All of this really boils down to how you want to spend your life. I've truly had to learn how to consistently take a step back from my immediate desires and look at the entire picture. The picture I've painted so far (when it comes to my personal self only) has not been one that I admire. I am so flawed and that's okay, but I want more. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't feel like the girl who's staring back at me. It's like I'm trapped inside a body that was never meant to be pushed to the limits I have pushed it. I am unable to do so many beautiful things because of the way that I look. I'm scared to even try. Is a box of cookies really worth that feeling of hopelessness? No, it isn't. There is no french fry, chocolate bar or tub of ice cream that feels as good as healthy does. I know this because I've been both. I can honestly tell you that if you make a constant effort to pull yourself away from your temptation for a moment and think about why you wanted to change in the first place, you'll almost always be able to walk away with ease.

Of course there are times when you'll fall, just like any other journey to better oneself, there are tons of twists and turns and it is impossible to know what the next obstacle will be. Keep on the right path though, whatever that might be.

There are so many changes I'm in the process of making in my own life, not just physically. I can't wait to share them all with you guys. I hope you all have a blessed weekend.

Ps. I have taken some workouts videos/progress photos and I will be posting those next time, I just have to upload them. I'm also going to record a longer video and just talk to you about my story and how things are going. You all have no idea how much I appreciate all of the support you've given me! If you are on your own journey, I'd love to hear all about it and give you support as well!
Follow me on Istagram for more of my journey! My username is: @jenn_fallingforfitness

Making Healthier Choices at Restaurants

Good day lovely people!
I am still here, still committed, still moving forward.
Life has been so difficult lately, so overwhelming and I have a lot of tough decisions I need to make. I am still here though. Still on my weight loss/ healthy lifestyle/ becoming fit journey!

My topic this week, thanks to Debbie Quick (check out her beauty youtube channel and blog, cosmetics counsel, you won't regret it!) is how to make healthier choices when out for an event or family outing. This weekend, for example I had a surprise party to go to for Rob's cousin at a restaurant, and the next day was Debbie's birthday and we went out to celebrate.

Being at a party or a restaurant with all your favourite foods paraded in front of you when you're trying to overcome an addiction can honestly be compared to dragging a drunk to a bar, putting whisky in front of him/her and telling that person not to drink it. Unfortunately, it's impossible to avoid going out with friends or family and expecting to not have to deal with temptations. Not if you want to have a life, anyway.

Here is what I have found helpful for me this past weekend. At the surprise party, there was a delicious, prepaid meal already planned and tons of desserts to choose from. How could you not dig in, am I right? I have gone the past two weeks without a cheat meal and had planned to go another week, however, things change. For me, I feel it's best not to place unrealistic expectations on myself. They always set me up for failure. I set little goals for myself, but when I feel something needs to be adjusted to meet my overall needs, I allow it without putting myself down. With that said, I thought Saturday was a perfect time to indulge. I enjoyed a drink, ate the delicious meal prepared and even enjoyed a few treats. It was marvelous haha.

However, if you're someone who frequently finds yourself at restaurants, going out with friends and spend most of your days around temptations, you'll need a strategy.

The next day, we went to a buffet and I felt the itch, yet again. I decided what was best for me is to go straight to the salad bar first. I filled most of my plate with salad and veggies with little room for anything else. I then proceeded to add a little rice with veggies, and then added a very small portion of what I really wanted. I put one BBQ chicken tender on my plate and a few strips of bacon to garnish my salad. I enjoyed two lunch sized plates of food and used that method both times. I also always opt for water as opposed to pop or juice. Bam. I enjoyed a very small portion of what I wanted, enough to take the edge off and still managed to walk away without shame and a belly full of salad.

Obviously when you go to most restaurants, there's a menu filled with options to choose from. I don't know about you, but I am far more likely to indulge in the cheaper, yummier looking burger and fries, than I am to pay more for a salad that I don't really want. I don't know what it is about ordering salad at a restaurant for me, but it also makes the outing less exciting haha. Pretty bad when you find food to be a key ingredient in how excited you are to go out for an evening. What I have found most helpful is, again, only going out when I know I'm due for a cheat meal. However, that isn't possible all the time. Some weeks are more eventful than others. I have found that choosing a restaurant that you know has a lot more healthy, delicious options makes things easier. I also suggest making sure you are not starving before you go out. You're far more likely to choose something that makes your mouth water (and add inches to your waist) than you are to pick a healthier option. It helps to eat a banana or drink two large glasses of water before you leave.

In terms of going out, ultimately it comes down to how much you're willing to put into your health. The more you put into it, the more you will get out of it. Obviously some weeks are better than others, but I encourage you to try a few of these tricks and see if they work for you. If you have any tricks of your own, I'd love to hear them! Leave them in the comments below.

I hope you all have a wonderful week and you'll be hearing back from me soon with a few at home workout videos.

Stay strong, live long.

Month One= DONE!

Tomorrow marks one month since I started my journey and boy, what a month it has been.
This month has pushed me to my limits, in more ways than one. It has been so stressful (not in terms of my new lifestyle), I am so grateful it is over! I have lost 18.9 pounds. I am proud. I know I have a long way to go, but I learned from the first time I did this that I have to celebrate all of my accomplishments and failures as I go. I hope I've been able to help and motivate others this past month and even more as I continue! I truly believe that you can wake up one day and just be ready to take this on. To take anything on. You won't do it until you are ready and I cannot stress that enough. Don't put pressure on yourself because I promise that you'll get there. I never thought I would either, I felt broken and like I had no respect for my own life. Surely if I wanted it, that would be enough. It wasn't. I had to go through seasons in my life, things had to happen, my mind set had to shift, things needed to change, prayers had to be lifted up.

Then, it happened. January 2nd I woke up and I thought to myself, "I'm ready now. I'm finally ready." and I knew, without a doubt, there was no stopping me now. I know I'm only a month into it and I still fight the temptations every single day, but I still know I'm moving forward and I refuse to go back to my old life. I want to get to a place where I don't listen to people say "You have such a pretty face" and think to myself that if only I wasn't fat maybe they'd just say I was pretty instead of singling out one small part of me. I want to be healthy, strong, to motivate others to be all they were meant to be. I know there are so many people who can't look at themselves in a mirror, who come home from school every day in tears, who don't think they're worth a second glance, who question their own existence. I know because I was one of them. It breaks me, No one, big or small, nerdy or shy, poor or rich, deserves to feel for one moment that they are nothing. No better than the dirt off someone's shoe. I cannot and I will not stand by with the access to technology and people that I have, that most everyone has, and allow people to go unnoticed. I'm telling you now if I can make my life better and accomplish my goals, SO CAN YOU. If you think you have no one, you have me. I am behind anyone and everyone to make this movement towards a happier and HEALTHIER life. Don't give up, friends. Life is beautiful.

January 2015, you have been a challenge to say the least. Bring it on, February. I am ready for you. I will not give up. I will create the happiness and the body that I deserve, you can count on that.

Progress/My beginner (at-home) workouts

Hey everyone!
I lost another 5.2 pounds this week, which brings my total up to 16.5 pounds lost in 21 days.
I am so happy with how things are going. I had my first cheat meal this weekend to celebrate getting through the first 21 days and let me tell you, my body hates me for it  haha. While it was great to go out with my fiancee and indulge in a burger, I woke up this morning feeling like I had the worst hangover of all time and I don't even drink. I officially don't get why cheat meals even exist. Completely not worth it haha. It's crazy how your body can learn to reject the things that aren't good for you in such a short time of making healthier choices, but I'm grateful for it because I have ZERO desire to have another cheat day anytime soon.

It was a stressful week, but I'm pressing on and I plan to kick it up a notch this week with more intense workouts. I know that I won't be able to keep up these big numbers throughout this entire journey, eventually my progress will slow down, so in light of that knowledge I plan to consistently change things up. I really want to avoid a plateau as much as I can. A lot of people have asked me what I do for my workouts and if it's difficult since I have a baby. The answer is YES, it is difficult to get those workouts in. However, I have been blessed with a very good baby. As long as she's fed, she's happy to hang out in her jumper or swing and watch some Bubble Guppies while Momma gets her workout in (most days)! Now, as for my routine, I switch it up but I always start with 20 minutes of cardio on my two in one elliptical/step climber. I used to be able to do 40 minutes, but since I got pregnant and had my daughter my capability has drastically decreased...for now. I'm working my way back up. After that, I usually do 20-30 squats, lunges up and down my hall, 50 leg lifts (each leg). Gotta work that booty, ladies! Those are the exercises I do every time I workout no matter what. Aside from that, I'll focus on different areas of my body each day. Today, for example, is ab day. I have an exercise ball so I incorporate that a lot. A good one is laying on the floor, squeezing the ball between your legs then lifting your legs and pulling yourself into a crunch position, pass the ball from your legs to your hands and level back to the floor (try not to let your feet touch the floor) and repeat. I've also included my daughter by holding her while I do squats, doing situps while holding her on my belly and lifting her in the air when I come up and if she starts to get restless, I'll lay her on the floor and talk to her while I attempt a solid plank.

While my beginner workouts have been working really well for me so far, I plan to search some other at-home workouts on youtube this week and see how they improve my fitness level. I would really prefer to be going to a gym, but for now, there are so many great exercises that you can conveniently do from home without any equipment! Research and try them out for yourself if you're a busy, SAHM like myself.

I hope you all have a wonderful, blessed week and remember what works for me, may not work the best for you. Adjust your workout regimen according to your needs, listen to your body.

Xo

Honey Sesame Chicken Recipe!

Hey guys!
Things are going very well. This past week has been a little difficult for me, I've been cravings sweets like something fierce! It's the first time since I've started that I've had any real difficulty saying no to my cravings and choosing the healthy option, but I'm proud to say that I did and I am still going strong! I've lost an additional 5.4 pounds this week. Yay! I'm so excited for the future. Colours are brighter, goals are attainable, and every day I break through the walls I've built around me filled with the self-hatred I have buried myself in. Thank God that's no longer the case. Every day, my confidence rises.

With that said, a few have asked me to post the Honey Sesame Chicken crock pot recipe I made a few weeks ago. It's delicious and I high recommend everyone try it! Here it is:

You`ll need:
4 chicken breasts
honey (half a cup)
low sodium soy sauce
ketchup
extra virgin olive oil
3 cloves of minced garlic
red pepper flakes
rice
1 pound of green beans
corn starch
sesame seeds

Thaw chicken breasts, place in crock pot. Mix half a cup of honey, 2 tbsp of soy sauce, 2 and a half tbsp of ketchup, 1 tbsp of extra virgin olive oil, 3 cloves of minced garlic, half a tsp of red pepper flakes. Pour contents over chicken breasts. Cook on high for 1.5 - 2.5 hours or on low for 3-4 hours. While cooking, add some corn starch to thicken sauce. Add green beans half an hour in last 30 minutes. Cook rice separately according to directions. Garnish with sesame seeds.

Makes 4 servings and each serving is 553 calories. Enjoy!

Progress!

Hey guys!
The past few days have been busy and I'm happy to say I am still going strong. I am just so thankful to God that this time is different. I've realized that it's impossible to do this until you are truly ready for it. I've spent the better part of that last four years praying every night that the next day I would be strong enough. That it would stick this time. I came so close to giving up hope. I came so close to just throwing my hands in the air and saying "Screw it! Clearly I'm never going to want it enough to change. I'll just stay this way forever.". Thank God I didn't. Two weeks before Christmas, I was laying in bed watching my daughter sleep in her play pen beside me and I was screaming out to God more than ever before. I just couldn't understand why my perfect little girl wasn't enough. Why wanting so desperately to watch her grow up wasn't enough for me to kick this addiction. I prayed so hard. I told God I have given up. I told Him that I have no strength left and the only way I was going to do this and succeed was by giving Him complete control because I had nothing left in me to give.
I went to sleep that night thinking I'd wake up and I would be making the same poor decisions I always did, but that's not what happened. Something shifted. I spent the next week before Christmas making far healthier decisions, starting to work out again and refrained from diving into Christmas junk head first. I certainly indulged, but not to the extent that I typically do. January 2nd came and I woke up knowing I'm going to do this. There was no doubt in my mind. I'm here and I am ready. I owe all that to God because I certainly did not get any of that from myself.

So with that said, I am down 6 pounds so far! Yay. Chugging right along on this healthy living train and I am LOVING it. I feel so much better. My mind is clearer. I have more energy and I don't feel groggy all the time. Which, when you have a 4 month old baby, is a wonderful thing. I made the decision within the first few days of starting this that I was not going to allow myself a cheat meal until after day 21. I just want to make sure I'm settling comfortably into my new lifestyle before I allow myself any sort of indulgence. After that, I will allow myself one day a week of my choosing to have one cheat meal. I am not someone who thinks that I can't have ice cream ever again in my life or else I'll fall off the wagon. If anything I think the opposite (not just for me, but for anyone trying to lose weight), if I bottle my temptations for too long, I'm far more likely to binge and go way overboard. I'll feel guilty, throw myself a pity party, eat more junk and it becomes a vicious cycle. I highly recommend anyone trying to lose weight to allow themselves 1 day a week or even 1 day biweekly to allow yourself something that you crave.

Not much else to update on. I am writing down everything I eat and drink, as well as logging my workout time. I've started working out 3 days a week, which I will continue this week and next week I'll be stepping it up and exercising 4 days a week. Once I'm a month or so into my journey, I plan to be working out 5 days a week for two hours or more if Ainslee allows. I'll also be doing workouts involving my daughter! For any Mommy's interested, I'll post those work outs and pictures to reference. It's difficult to get much of any spare time when you have a baby, so including them in what you're doing is a fun and easy way to get that burn in without compromising time with baby. I apologize for this post being all over that place haha.
I hope everyone has a wonderful week! Sending everyone positive vibes. :)

Operation Love Yourself

Hey guys!
So far this week, so good. I started my workout routine again yesterday and boy, did my ass get kicked. The things I used to be able to do before I got pregnant with ease, now pretty much kills me haha. I've had to adjust a few things and I'm realizing I have to work my way back up to where I was. It' a little frustrating, but it also just makes me want to get my butt off the couch and do it that much more. I guess that's the silver lining. The good news is, practice makes progress! I know the more I put into this, the more I will get out of it.

For a long time, I wanted a quick fix. I still wish there was one, but as I'm changing my thought process I'm thankful that this takes time. I'm happy that when I reach my goals I'll have more patience and endurance. I'll be a stronger person because of it. The greatest things in life are worth waiting and working for.

Something else I wanted to address for those of my readers who struggle with their relationship with food is that it's a double-edged sword. You can go from food being your best and only friend, to it being your enemy. Both are severely unhealthy. Food should be what we use to fuel our bodies. Yes, we should enjoy it, but not to the extent that it takes over our lives. Much like it has mine. What happens when we lose the weight? Gaining it back can be terrifying to the point that food becomes your enemy, and the crippling fear of gaining back what you worked so hard to lose makes eating anything at all something you begin to steer clear of. I think about that sometimes. Will this happen to me? Will I develop a new unhealthy and dangerous habit? I so badly want to motivate others to get healthy. For me, though, this isn't too much about looking a certain way. I just want to be HEALTHY. My prayer for myself and everyone else is that we work on loving ourselves now and through this entire journey. We'll never be successful if we hate the bodies we're in. Losing weight and gaining weight will always be our monster that controls us.

Let's focus on being healthy. Let's develop the relationship with food that we're meant to have. Please, love yourself. Every edge and curve or cork you may have, learn to adore those inches that make you the person that you are. It's a work in progress. I'm a work in progress.

Love you all xo

Remembering the Past to Fuel the Present

Hey  everyone!
So, I made it through the weekend without caving! It sounds small, but for me, weekends are rough. I've learned that I have to take this one day at a time and remind myself every morning why I'm doing this.

Growing up, I often left school feeling defeated and my self-worth was next to nothing. When I came home, it was much of the same. I spent most of my childhood and teenage years having nowhere to go where I felt safe or where I was particularly praised for the things I was doing right. I think the first time I lost the weight, I just wanted to feel accepted and that I was worth something. When the weight loss really didn't transform my home life as I somehow, subconsciously thought that it would, I began gaining it back. I think it is so important to take a look back and figure out what went wrong the first time so that you can avoid making the same mistakes.

I am just so thankful that God took my life and transformed it in the past few years. I am so blessed with an amazing family and I can honestly say the scars of my past are healing and I can now use those learning experiences as strength to draw from. It's amazing what God can do! I could never deny His existence after the radical changes that have taken place in my life. Everything I do, I owe it all to Christ.

Now that I recognize the areas I went wrong in my past and I have much more stability in my life, I know I am doing this for the right reasons. I want to live a long and healthy life, I want to set an example for my daughter and one day, I want more children. All of these things and more are what's fueling me like never before! I'm also well aware that maintaining the weight after I lose it will be the biggest struggle of all. I can't let my fear of failure hold me back anymore and I encourage anyone else reading this to not talk yourself out of it! There are so many beautiful reasons to revolutionize your life. Let's start with our health this year. Let's own up to our mistakes and past failures and use those as fuel. Let's make the choice, today and every day, that we are worth it.

I am determined. Are you?

Fun with food!

Hey guys!
So day one went really well, although the first day usually does. They say it takes 21 days to make or break a habit, so I feel like after day 21 I'll fall into this new routine with a bit more ease.
At least I hope. Either way, I'm pressing on. My goal is to lose 100 pounds by next Christmas. Prayers would be so appreciated, haha.

Anyway, I wanted to share a recipe I made yesterday and write a bit of a review on it.
I've been making a lot of crockpot meals lately to freeze and have on hand. It has definitely helped with the cost of groceries and also, we're able to have a healthy, home cooked meal every day so the desire to go out to eat is greatly diminished.

Yesterday, we had sweet potato and lentil soup and I have to say, I was quite impressed with it. I, personally, am not the biggest lentil fan. I really just wanted to try the recipe because everything in it is so good for you and each serving comes in at a low 257 calories. The recipe itself also makes a ton of soup so it's easy on your wallet. I was surprised at how flavourful it is as well. Just the fact that it's so low in calories and fat, I would typically associate that with being very bland. It was a pleasant surprise! I would definitely recommend this recipe! If you don't like some of the ingredients, I'm sure you could switch it out with something more pleasing to your pallet as well.

Here's the recipe:
Makes 8-10 servings
You'll need:
- 4 large carrots
- 4 celery stocks
- 3 large sweet potatoes
- 1 and half cups of chopped green beans
- 2 cups of green lentils
- fresh rosemary
- 1 bay leaf
- 1 tsp of oregano
- 4 cloves of garlic minced
- 2 tsp of salt
- half a tsp of pepper
- One 15 ounce can of diced tomatoes
- 64 ounces of vegetable broth

Combine all ingredients in your slow cooker, turn heat on low and cook for 10 hours.

If you want to put into a bag to freeze first, combine everything except for the vegetable broth and diced tomatoes into a freezer bag.

I hope you all enjoy it!

Today is a fresh start. Today I begin a journey that is long overdue. Today is the day.
I guess I should start my first blog post by telling whomever may read this a little about myself. My name is Jennilee Wheeler. I am a 22 year old, first time Mom to a beautiful 4 month old girl, Ainslee. She is my reason for everything, including this. I am engaged to a wonderful and supportive man who I cannot wait to marry one day. I am a Christian and Jesus is my saviour. Every part of me longs to do His will for my life and in many posts I will be referencing my faith as I move forward on this journey.

Those things are the basic, fundamentals in my life. Anyone who happened to come across me in the world could probably tell you these things just from looking at me. What I crave from this is something deeper. I want my blog to be a place where people can come to be inspired and motivated. I want this to be a place where I can come to learn and also be inspired and motivated.
So here's the truth: I am in trouble. I am not safe. I am diseased and I need a cure. My cure. I am an addict and food is my drug.

I have struggled with my weight my entire life and it has lead me down a dangerous path where I no longer use food for fuel, but for enjoyment. When I was 14 years old and after years of being bullied to the point of having to be taken out of school for a year, I decided to make a change. I was in grade eight and finally starting to make friends when I realized I didn't want to be fat anymore and I was ready to work for it. Within a year and half of that day, I had lost over 115 pounds. Not by starving myself, but by working my ass off. Literally.

However, being young and still addicted to food, when life got harder and harder I reverted back to my old ways. Now, years later, I have gained it back and then some. It happened slowly, I yo-yo'd for a long time, but it did happen. Pregnancy was terrible for me, but it knocked me into reality. Now that I am older and a Mother, I am ready again. Only this time, it's different. I am smarter, I know my triggers. I am a Mother and I need to not only be around for my daughter, but I also need to set an example for her as well.

While I'm not happy I gained the weight back, it did teach me a lot. I still know what I need to do and how to do it, but I also know what not to do. This is a lifestyle change for me, not a diet. I am inviting all who reads this to come on this journey with me, to hold me accountable, and to fall in love with fitness. I was given this life and this body to treat as a temple and for the first time in a very long time, I intend to do just that.

Cheers to 2015, it's going to be a wild ride!