Hi, my name is Jennilee. I feel the need to reintroduce myself on my own blog that I've had for nearly a year because quite honestly, I am not the same person. My heart has changed, my mind has changed, chains have been broken that my spirit has dragged around for far too long. I feel lighter! Which is ironic because I started this blog to hold myself accountable for my weight loss journey, yet I have gained every pound back (plus or minus a few depending on the week). But that's okay, because I have lost weight in a whole new way. Weight I've been dragging around for so many years and very few people knew about it.
I let go and I let GOD.
I've come to realize that this blog is about so much more for me now... It's about sharing my experiences, building people up, discovering my God given talents and ultimately sharing what He has done in me. In such a real and true way, I am so different now. I look in the mirror and I wake up every day with the same self-image struggles, the same food addiction, the same fears- only now, I am free from having to bare the burden of them. My past, I've realized, no longer has to define me and no longer has to be my excuse to get myself out of working hard towards my goals. Am I hitting a bruise right there? I can't be the only one...
The majority of my life has been hard.
I have lived through abuse in so many different forms - emotional, mental, physical and sexual. Some tough pills to swallow. I've allowed myself to drown in that for so long and I always assumed that when God brought me out of these storms in my life and gave me a better one- everything would automatically be easy and happy. Nope. It wasn't until God gave me a new life that I was able to fully see how damaged I actually was. In every area. I was paralyzed with fear. Some days I still am. Something I am finally coming to terms with is that I have used all of the things that I've gone through as an excuse and justification for my lack of action, for my lack of pursuit, and for my flat out laziness. I was holding on to my past so tight because it's the only armour I had against my rejection of opportunities that came my way.I was fighting against myself. Now I am fighting for something. Now, I'm putting on the armour of God.
If I have your attention, good. I'm starting over for the 100th time, only this time I'm allowing God to do what he needs to do.
I am embracing the beauty of letting go.
